Well, my posts to this blog site have gotten less frequent, which is good. I'm feeling much, much better. I'm off the Lortabs almost completely (took one today, none yesterday). I still have some numbness in my fingertips and have that "desiccated" feeling in my feet and hands (which is fargin' annoying). Lately I've been running a light fever in the evenings - yesterday it spiked up over 100° and was followed by muscle aches, chills, and soaking-the-pillow. So it was off to the doctor yesterday where the diagnosis was "there's nothing wrong with you but maybe you have a mild ear infection."
So it's onto antibiotics (horse pills!) and a mysterious nasal spray. I'm half convinced that they gave me a placebo & a bottle full of salt water to spray up my sniffer.
Yesterday was Holy Thursday, which meant the penance service at Immaculate Conception and later in the evening, Holy Thursday mass. The penance service was brief, and was the last shot for confession before Easter, so Elizabeth & I and the two youngest girls showed up at IC. What a remarkable thing the sacrament of confession is. I can't imagine life without it. On the other hand, my priest-confessor is probably tired of hearing the same old sins from me. I suppose I ought to mix it up a bit - forebear on some of my idiomatic sins and add a couple of new ones to the mix. Just kidding of course.
One of the sins that I don't mind publicly confessing is profanity. I've developed an atrocious potty-mouth over the last few years, and it's worth now than ever. While I doubt the gravity of non-blasphemous cursing, it still was disheartening that within four hours of reconciliation, I called another driver on the road a "c*&$@*%^ing f%&#ot" because they slowed me down and prevented me from getting through a busy intersection. Of course this is emblematic of another of my frequent sins; the desire for control. People need to be considerate when they drive, and in particular, they need to be considerate of me. Darn it all to heck.
I have to issue a public apology for the behavior of my kids at Holy Thursday mass yesterday night. I believe it was literally the worst behavior from Isabelle and Evelyn that I've seen at mass - and that's saying something. On top of it, Jackson decided that it was appropriate for him to sleep through mass, so he stretched out on the pew (and later, under a pew). Now, he was clearly tired. But on the other hand, his first communion is next weekend, so this is the time to be making an effort.
Eventually, the lot of us ended up in IC's cry room, which only minimally damped the noise coming from the little girls (Elena was altar serving, so she at least was not part of the problem). At one point I had to take Evelyn downstairs to get her to calm down, so I listened to the consecration and fraction rite from the parish hall. Then when mass was over and the assembly processed with the Blessed Sacrament to reposition in the parish hall, I let Elizabeth and Jackson process and participate in adoration while I stayed with the girls in the cry room. This sounds like a sacrifice, but Elizabeth has let me participate the last few years while she stuck it out with the kids - so it was about time that she got a turn. It was wonderful to sing Pange Lingua although I prefer singing it in Latin (of course).
After Elizabeth and Jackson came out to the care, I had a chance to visit the reposition and pray before the Blessed Sacrament. It was particularly moving (I've mentioned my sudden tendency toward tears) - I am feeling a strong spiritual connection to Christ's sufferings, although that is particularly selfish since what is affecting me is probably my own sense of mortality.
I was disturbed, though, by the noisy conversation of the RCIA candidates and their sponsors, right outside the open door to the parish hall. As I cut short my prayers and left, I mentioned to a couple of the sponsors that it was noisy inside thanks to their conversations, and I immediately felt like an asshole. I'm going to have to apologize tomorrow - both of the guys I spoke to are wonderful members of our parish and obviously put a lot into RCIA and many other ministries. But they moved the crowd away from the door and in front of the church building, so hopefully the other people praying before the reposed Eucharist were not as distracted as I was. Still, I regret having said anything.
But this is a major pet-peeve for me. When Elizabeth went through RCIA in 2009, after Holy Thursday's mass, the Blessed Sacrament was exposed in a monstrance at Holy Trinity Church. The same thing happened - the entire RCIA class sat in the pews right by the monstrance and loudly conversed while a number of people, clearly in sight, attempted to pray. I think I butted in then as well and pointed out that people were trying to pray and could they please move.
I know I'm overly sensitive, but come on! Doesn't anyone appreciate that the church building, and in particular the church building when the Blessed Sacrament is exposed, are holy places and that a sense of the sacred is conducive to prayer, not to mention respectful of the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist? The huge roar of conversation that goes up in IC as soon as the mass is over is extremely unfortunate. I try to make a practice of not participating in conversation until I'm at least in the vestibule, but then that leaves you ignoring people who try to start conversations, or speaking in a subdued whisper and cutting conversation short.
And as long as I'm being an uptight Pharisee,
what's up with people raising their hands up in imitation of the priest at the end of the Our Father? Instead of this practice (which is a clear violation of the GIRM - proper congregant posture is folded hands and bowed heads), this practice appears to be increasing at IC. In my humble opinion, this is another casualty of abandoning
ad orientem.
Anyway, on that note - pouring my gripes onto the page and exposing myself as a nitpicking self-righteous prig, I'll wrap it up. Elizabeth and I watched "The Passion" when we got home from mass - all the kids went to sleep. That's a tough movie to watch, but an essential part of Holy Week now.
Today marks the beginning of the Divine Mercy Novena, which I've gotten an early start on since it's 4:14am on Good Friday.
I hope you (and I'm speaking to my one reader, Elizabeth) have a wonderful Easter. Pax tecum!
